


To Be Something Great

by Skatebird



Category: Bionicle - All Media Types, lego - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Bisexual, Completed, Depressing, Existentialism, F/M, Human AU, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Retelling, Seaside, Slice of Life, ToA - Freeform, Triad - Freeform, War, alternative universe, character driven, legends of metru-nui, timeline chapters, toa metru - Freeform, tyler the creator - Freeform, vakama POV, west coast vibes, young adult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-01-05 20:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skatebird/pseuds/Skatebird
Summary: College is a world where many kinds of people gather and experiment. Meanwhile, a darkness creeps silently over Metru-Nui. Here we see a fragmented aftermath of events in Vakama's young life from September 15th, 2004 to November 15th, 2006Can love blind from one's destiny? Or provoke it?





	1. September 15th, 2004

**Author's Note:**

> \- A coworker and I were comparing and contrasting the books we were reading. She likes mysteries. Not surprising. Most people enjoy sci-fi, fantasy or mystery or the drama classics. A book where something happens. Not me, apparently. I love the boring books! Or at least subtle in meaning. So a lot of you might find this to be boring. I still love this childhood OT3 with all my heart and I just want to see them being hopelessly together in 2017 for no reasons than that alone. It's not entertaining slice of life, but neither is it conventional.  
>   
> \- Initially, I felt guilty for jumping around from scene to scene. Maybe it's because I wrote most of it in chunks to begin with on the word limit notepad app on my phone during my said computer-less summer job. But then, after watching Legends Of Metru Nui in the midst of working on it, I caught onto how many times they really jumped back in forth with the focus still on the three toa. Sorry Nuju, Whenua, and Onewa. The other guys are very minor in this story. But again my goal was for the vibe to be existential and minimalistic while still reflecting the nature of the three virtues; unity, duty, destiny. I just didn't want it to feel like a complete retelling. If anything, this is the alternate universe where there is no guide to point the way like the turaga do/did. This is our universe and life here is more complicated than that.  
>   
> \- This was partially inspired by Tyler the creator's newest album “Flower Boy” that depressing syrupy sweet west coast vibe. More specifically, the hopeless romantic track “See you again”  
> You can listen to my complete playlist for this fanfiction here! : https://8tracks.com/corpuswalker/united-in-duty-bound-in-destiny  
> -I the author hereby claim this as my original work but own no rights to the characters. The characters and locations are property of Lego.  
> -I should inform you if you haven't already known that english is my first language but i am dyslexic. I try my best to revise and have others revise before posting but there will always be a chance for error.  
>   
> -Please note even though I am a beginner writer, I am an experienced artist. I can handle criticism professionally and encourage comments! I'm practicing a lot of different styles of writing so any point at my strengths and weaknesses is helpful and appreciated. Thank you.
> 
>    
> Whoops that was a shitload of a list. Now I have to do it justice.

Vakama wasn't sure what it would take to do this. Then again, he wasn't sure about anything really. Fingers became sore as he scrubbed away the caked and ash off his forearms in a public utility sink. No matter how much he scrubbed, there would always be remnants of being a simple welding mechanic.

Simple. Now that is something that he could truly be. No paper towels. Vakama dried his veiny hands on his simple red t-shirt hanging loosely. He dressed as if no one ever would ask him questions. That isn't to say he blended in completely. Living on an island in a small town meant you quickly knew everyone and everything. It was humbling but equally claustrophobic. Vakama even wondered why he didn't spend more time in Ko-Metru, a ski town in the mountains. Then again, simply traveling didn't necessarily guarantee freedom. Nevertheless, he still called the sweltering yet bustling city of Ta-metru his home. 

Yet Vakama’s spark of existence was in neither of these places. (Would it matter when he looked and felt imprisoned wherever he went?) A warm autumn day in Ga-metru. The seaside town renowned for its universities. And that's exactly what brought him here. Or at the least, what forced him. Work had been feeble to say the least, so he managed to save a bit of side money and afford a semester worth of classes. Simply surviving was his motivation, with no protruding intention of actually graduating.

He chewed on a bic pen while counting the days to see how long it would take before he regretted this trip all together. The only one who ever showed up this early, before himself, was a small pale boy with thick rimmed glasses that he frequently removed to clean. He tried to remember the boy's name but fell short. However, he could remember that the stranger was an astronomy major and that he was from Ko-metru. The kid, fresh out of highschool, seemed to care alot about a basic math credit course. Vakama didn't need a first name to feel envy. Then the rest of the class began to pour in.

On his first strike of envy, the cooling glow of the teachers aid glided in at impeccable timing. to survey and cradle a clipboard and just generally look important. Vakama would be the only one who wondered why a college class would even need a teacher's aid as it was mostly sitting and listening to a the professor talk all hour. That isn't to say, Nokama had been very helpful in helping Vakama understand the lessons better...among other things.  
It had been a simple conversation about their names sounding similar then about the whether. Nokama was anything but simple, rather, admirably normal. Denim jeans and clean hoodie. She always smelled like fresh office supplies and soap. He once overheard a student say she lived in the classroom full time and occasionally took baths in the restroom. There was no need for that when the school rationalized decent and affordable dorms. Regardless of such wild accusations, Vakama found her a pleasant blip in petty dissociation.

“She could easily be a poster girl for Ga metru. “ 

He sighed at that. It seemed he wasn't the only one to notice her, but that was to be expected when she treated everyone equally. That was two weeks ago, when his life had been more simple. These days, there was one student that demanded attention above everyone else.

“Yeah, a stunt driver” the student answered casually while putting sandaled feet up onto the desk in the front row. Vakama could've sworn he was dreaming. The professor didn't even ask what he was planning on majoring in. If you could even call stunt driving a college major. She didn't even look up from her papers. Matau just put it in the conversation like he was the most interesting thing the class would ever see. He was. And Nokama’s confused face seemed to humor matau, who, looked to be around the same age as Vakama as he smiled. The difference was that Matau was not born grounded to the real world’s laws and principles. the students frequently became reminded of that by his showy acrobatics into class. For instance, He never sat in chairs, he perched like a chimp or collapsed in them like a boneless hungover drunk. The screws in his usual chair often groaned from all the assault. They all silently wondered why he even bothered showing up to class. 

Maybe it was how bland vakama’s classes had been, but every first period, specifically Nokama and Matau’s interactions with the rest of the world was a distraction from the boredom. At least for now he remained a bystander, free to rest his head in his hands and eavesdrop. Carefully, he watched the two of them sobering up when the professor began speaking. Vakama Hardly understood the importance of the his destiny. So many people out there and it was these two strangers who happened to cross paths with his own with a wink and a nod. This perhaps, for a moment, made him feel a little less alone.


	2. November 15th, 2004

“Welcome back to the real world. Hey, you in there?

Vakama woke to the scratchy voice of a naked man glaring back with large cinnamon eyes. The man's shark tooth necklace dangled just so the tip of it brushed against his own bare chest.

“Shit” Vakama mumbled, rubbing his face with the covers that were not his own. He then neglected to explain why he may or may not have been thrashing around throughout night, but Matau didn't need an invitation.

“Another one of those dreams?” 

Vakama rolled himself into a burrito. Matau was now already perched the same way he would sit in first period except this time directly on top of the big blob of comforters that engulfed vakama. Most likely he entangled in them while thrashing about in the night. Peeping through his shaggy hair at the couch to confirm it. Yes, a stray fleece blanket lay where Matau had been forced into isolation in order to avoid being hit in the face or constantly have the blankets stolen in the night.

Why are you being nice to me? I don't deserve you being this nice. But all he could reply with was: “Yeah..”

Then there was an awkward silence that sometimes came with dating Matau. All nothing but a pleasant trickling sound of water filter in the fish tank nearby. It wasn't even that Matau was all that awkward of a man, let alone that quiet. (aside from being a little clumsy and difficulty with keeping his remarks to himself) No, it was due to the fact he gave himself such boisterous presence in people's lives, that when he was actually quiet, something seemed to lack.

Vakama was learning to accept many things this strange new form of Matau did now thanks to Nokama. Matau paid for dinners and brought gifts. One time, he bought Nokama expensive makeup (Sought after and picked out all by himself) and she actually wore it. From time to time that is, as not usually wore anything but liquid eyeliner on work days. It's amazing what tools the 21st century provided and the younger man took full advantage of it. How Vakama wished he could say this was for the better. Ever since Matau gave up on his dream of being a stuntman full time, he passed the time with alcohol and bullshit but also gifts and kisses. Matau just wanted to exist.

Then there was Nokama, who, came in the room on her que with a face in a outrageously large book. It was hardcover, with thick glossy pages found in most non fictions or textbooks. And she would hold it up in a reading position with an incredibly strong forearm. She was only half-pretending to read. Reassuring them she was being productive, that she was not actually checking up on them to insure they weren't fighting. Both Vakama And Matau frowned with puppy dog eyes at her fully-dressed-for-work body, striding past their own pair of scruffy boy faces.

“What was your dream this time?” Nokama asked from the kitchen, pretending like she had the entire day to talk about it. They used to. Pretending was her favorite thing to do to pass the time. While some whistled and hummed, others fidgeted.

The three of them gathered under the umbrella of guilt that Vakama carried. The only actual umbrella Vakama might have would be found in on his weird dreams. Hopefully not the kind of guilt umbrellas that have teeth or shoot fire.  
But this was Nokama's roof on Nokama’s apartment. Nokama was still the only one with a real job, real umbrellas and real problems. While the boys clung to dwindling savings and occasional craigslist gigs. The only thing that really motivated Vakama to throw his boyfriend off of him and put on pants, was to carefully weave the delicate strings of their relationship. At least he wasn't alone anymore.

“I don't know. I was walking barefoot in a field and there was a rabbit a few feet from me. It looked at me and I froze in silence not wanting to scare it.”

“That's it!?” Matau winced. feeling the urge to roll his eyes coming on.

“I don't know.”

Nokama reached for a bagel on the counter that half-annoyed Matau was now leaning on his weight on. The morning light from the kitchen window reflected the dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his face. He pooched out his lips for her to kiss but she went right on through him like a ghost, snatching the bagel and held it in her teeth while pouring coffee. Vakama took this as a sign to continue.

“Well, then an eagle came down and... captured it in its claws. Not a bald eagle, but like, a golden one. I dunno. I mean, that is just the circle of life, but it happened feet away from me. The eagle was huge. Then another eagle came down and swooped at me. I could feel the wind off their wings. The smell of the blood. Then another and another until all I could see was a great flapping wings and so naturally, I ran for cover.”

More silence. Matau looked over to exchange his glance with Nokama, but she was busy carefully cutting an almost too ripe avocado and spreading thickly onto the bagel slice with a bite already out of it. Watching her attracted him to also crave a morning kiss from those precious moist lips. Sense that clearly wasn't going to happen right now, Vakama found the short walk from the bed to the kitchen rather painful, and searched the fridge for leftover pancakes. Dammed if he cooked for himself this week. Spending already enough time scalding his face over a hot fire as it is.  
It had been Matau who made fun of Vakama’s lucid dreams since he first confesed, up until they started living together. Now, Matau could truly see how exhausting they had become for the taller man. Funny how things worked out. 

“Vakama doesn't feel happy, just different levels of sadness” He explained to Nokama in between large bites of Olive Garden pasta. In return, she folded her hands and looked around, gently hoping he would shut up and stop trying to sound smarter than he was. But in an immodest way, he wasn't wrong.

Two 20-somethings would remained starved for approval on this casual day as Nokama scurried off with her sense of entitlement. Now the dudes would be left to their own devices.  
Vakama leaned his wool blanketed shoulder against the living room window, long enough to watch Nokama take the car to work and then a minute later, a neighbor jog past. He felt lucky to not feel the need to work out as he should be. Matau had made harsh comments on Vakama’s dreams, his career as a welder, and even his racial status and cultural upbringing. But the one thing matau never seemed to bitch about was his lean muscular and tan appearance, so he took that as a form of flattery. As close as his boyfriend would ever get to a real life compliment. Matau journeyed through life kicking and screaming, there was no changing that. Admittedly, he did have solid taste in visual aesthetics.

Using his fingers as a guide, Vakama examined the three stubby sunflowers Matau brought as a ‘housewarming gift’ from...god only knows where. They were doing pretty okay inside and grouped up in a narrow plastic pot. Nokama suggested replanting them as they would eventually grow too big for their current situation. But when Matau carefully removed them form from them from the soil their roots were already entangled and decided to keep them together to avoid tearing one that was important and harming it further. He wondered how long they would bloom. Flowers into fall would be creeping further from fate. Inevitable fate. He sipped his coffee and contemplated the amount of water he was really giving them now using a old ceramic bowl. Life was simple.

By noon, they both managed to feed and wash themselves without Nokama. Two bowls of cereal and some black liquorice followed by a shower together. That hot sting of the water was to make up for her lack of physical appearance. The two would never realize how hard she had been working to keep her sanity from worrying about them so much. While Nokama would never know how much time they spent both playing videogames and streaking around the apartment. Small childish secrets among the three of them were never intentional, but equally inevitable. Eventually, Matau would get bored, call Vakama an old man and go out to do god knows what. Vakama quietly never far behind.  
Normally, this behavior would be acceptable all except for a knock at the door that sounded like a chainsaw compared to the beautiful noises Matau was getting out of Vakama. Both of them looking at each other in mid-grind for an answer before Matau levitated off the couch and threw pants and boxers at vakama’s stupid blushing face while pecking at the floor for his own pair. 

“Oh hey Vakama, look what the cat dragged in.” Matau tried, failing to sound calm or charismatic under his breath. 

Across the room on the couch, the now clothed Vakama had to look up from his nail biting session as if in shock to not be the butt end of Matau’s tiring jokes for once. For a second, Vakama swore Matau was going to slam the door shut again. The day was filled with comfort after discomfort after comfort. That's when he realized they were wearing each other's pants, like clowns. He could barely move his legs while matau looked like a hip hop artist from the late 90s. 

“Not really surprised to see you here. Hey Vakama.” Onewa said in a stern enough voice to shut Matau up. Good.

“Nice to see you too. We were actually getting ready to head out soonish.” Vakama lied. Thankfully Matau caught on and they both scrambled to do so. Awkwardly shuffling in too-tight and too-loose jeans.

Onewa sighed and took a seat at the couch, not wanting to venture much further into the mess, but close enough to investigate a month's puzzling maze of a lush triangular rodeo. He crinkled his monogamous loving forehead to what he assumed was a guest bed so unnaturally placed in the middle of the living room. Small reminiscences of it being originally nokama’s apartment safely hung in corners of the open layout. A stainless steel fruit basket, seaweed colored curtains, the stunning (and equally expensive looking) tank of tropical fish, and who could forget her books stacked generously in every corner.  
By the time they came back into the room, fully clothed ( including close toed shoes and jackets this time) Onewa appeared to be incredibly lost and even a bit down. He was trying to understand. Oh did he try. Thats why Vakama allowed him to brush his carhartts still covered with flecks of sawdust from his morning shift and quickly jump subject to avoid any unwanted conversations about their lifestyle.

“Are we ready to do this?” Offered Vakama with hands clasped.

Onewa stood up immediately. Matau already skipping out the door like a schoolgirl.

On the walk to the bay, the three of them stopped to knock at an apartment complex for two more specific colleagues. If anyone would maintain a tight circle of 6 friends, it would be in college. Then again, none of them shared anything in common aside from that. Nuju, the first period astronomer who took everything way too seriously, and Onuwa was a librarian that kept everyone from killing each other when Vakama was having a emotional breakdown. Matau painfully noted Onuwa’s socks with sandals as they walked on.

Barely a group they made. Meeting in terms of pure coincidence, but then again, every friendship was just that. Or perhaps, something deeper remained in the background. Something bigger than all of them, handling their fate.

Ga-metru offered its usual warmth at the sea and there was sand and waterfalls and streams on every head turn. The place flourished with bright minds and beach bodies. No group could ever look so displaced than a redneck builder, a shy nerd, a compulsive jock, a homesick emo, and an overly comfortable librarian parading the bike path to neutral grounds. All of them seemed to share a lack of urgency in their travels. What were they even supposed to do for fun, when everyone's definition of fun was something different?

Today, they did it for nokama. And if Onewa wasn't there they did it for him. For Vakama or Whenewa or Nuju when they weren't there. To sum it up, it was too late. In a matter of months, the six had become too far submerged in each other's lives. Perpetually rescuing each other. Matau flips his skateboard over a pointless fire hydrant as they stride past the bikini babes and long haired bums. It was them against the world.


	3. September 15th, 2005

Vakama dropped out. Call it a financial failure and a huge distraction. Learning wasn't the issue, no, school had failed to give him the abilities to take back to that long lost job back in Ta-metru. Well, that was the excuse anyhow. All the facts learned. All the equations. Most importantly the people he crossed paths with, but with no tangible portfolio of his most recent and best work. A year had past remaining in Ga-metru, sandwiched in between the closest people in his life, trying not to stir after the nightmare had woken him in what was probably the middle of the night. He sighed and tried to reason that life could be worse. 

~~~~

...In this dream I am alone, leaning over a tug boat in a long unforgivable ocean. The water is still and blue and I desperately look around for signs of land. My eyes meet a shadowy object in the ocean. A whale. It had to be a wale. I hear my name being called. Faint at first. I assumed it was the wind.  
The shadow didn't move but suddenly i'm falling in. I don't know how I fell, I guess I was leaning over pretty far and just fell. The water was very buoyant and warm and for a moment peaceful. I saw the shadowy figure now. It was not a whale. A large luminous mechanical claw. Like the ones in toy claw machines. It was descended from a rusted submarine that scanned the water with spotlights. I hear my name again. Its louder this time and I follow it. The voice leads me farther from the strange submarine. It sounds like nokama. “I can't believe you would leave us. I thought you loved us.” My heart fell cold. No this was not at all true! Where was she? Before I yell out my protest, and tell her I'd never planned on leaving, my body is snatched up by the huge claw. I call out Nokama’s name as the claw pressure from sheer size crushes against my body.  
Then I hear another voice? The voice of an old man I don't recognize. It sounded like my old man, my father that I hardly knew. It just kept saying “you are the treasure” at first slow, and grainy, then each time more faster and annoyed until It was screaming in a less human voice: “you are the treasure, YOU ARE THE TREASURE. ”  
My limbs were being crushed. I cried out my last breath of air as my bones began to snap under the claws grasp. I was still alive but the ocean was growing dark and cold. We were depending deeper and deeper and I look up at the surface and the trail of blood up to the only source of hope;  
The tiny boat...

~~~~

The sweat had cooled on his skin. He shivered and turned over to look at his bright and hopeful Nokama, curled up on her side wearing Matau’s olive T-shirt. Arms tucked in neatly, eyelashes fluttered shut, and those lips curled ever so slightly.  
She just got back from her sister’s wedding out of town for three days, and ended up staying for eight. Matau, who was leisurely sprawled out over most of Vakama and had his limbs dangling off the side, had been certain she left the two of them for good. The condo they bought on in the cheap side of town last month with a united scrap of savings had never been a more mutual contradictory disaster. (With Matau so discerning about looks Vakama thought it would eventually drive him insane.) It was no secret she needed a high speed break from their lack of motivation. Messy house aside, as if forsaking a prophecy, It wouldn't be Ga-metru without Nokama in it. Without college to distract him, Vakama could now give her all of his attention. He would have to be the one to provoke it, though.

That's why there's no way he could tell them about this dream. But that wasn't for him to decide. And That's all they ever were, absurd And cliché at the very least. The gruesome ones were not as common and often ignored. Most were very uncomfortable to describe. But Matau and Nokama lived to entice them. His partners kept a dream interpretation dictionary on the nightstand. 

for now, he was still wrapped in the silence of awaiting morning. Vakama feared going back to his subconscious mind. The only other choice was an attempt to go be invisible. It took all effort to pull himself out of bed with feeble movement.  
The night had more hours left and it was exactly the kind of sharpness needed. The damp grass on his bare toes unconditionally aided homesickness. Vakama really felt homesick when he was invoked by certain objects or experiences that reminded him of home, but when things were different than Ta-metru, he was more graciously distracted by their uniqueness, rather than disturbed.

Vakama managed to pluck the clanky metal object he called art from his work table before he shuffled out the door. Grasping it sternly, like a blind man studying a individual's face. A common gull waddled across the washed out greys of the sidewalk, pretending to mind it's own business. 

“This will do” He told the gull as it bobbed its head to scan for signs of food.

This will do.

But life always had other righteous plans. It was difficult for fire to be anything but fire. Inquisitive and restless, even in water. The smoke formed over the mountainside of the first attack. Millions of innocent lives being taken while Vakama was staring off into a dull grey sky, talking to a bird. Surely this had been the reason he moved.

The six only showed interest in the war as they figured was normal. War was after all, fresh, and something not witnessed by many in the country of Metru-nui. But the the political and economic support was slipping underneath them. It was the foresight of precious young Nuju that brought this to everyone's attention, right before being let go from his first career based job at the observatory.

Sadly, astronomy wasn't anyone's concern in times like these and neither was abstract sculptures. He gripped the metal tighter until It it began to warm. It was worth a shot anyways. Regular clients kept his income sonewhat afloat and eased financial pressure off now the full time middle school science teacher, Nokama.  
The day quickly came to that following evening and soon Vakama would find himself half baked on the leather seats of Whenewa’s couch. Arm over his eyes like he was suffering from jet lag. He even tried to sleep but Onuwa, and Matau were the first ones to slip into heated political debate. Something that had once been so little of concern, was rapidly becoming the forefront of their entire lives. Their routine was shifting dramatically. Desperately all seeking out the humble and down to earth company. Whenewa himself was stirring a large caste iron stove pot of a family recipe.

“Matau...” Onewa rubbed his bristly blonde beard. “You didn't know that it's against the law to wear a military uniform when not in active duty?”

“I thought that was only with weapons!” He exclaimed.

Nokama came over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and breath into his neck as if trying to pull him back into reality. She thought it was cute the way he deflated under the conversation and her weight.  
“Regardless of Metru-nui’s strict laws, most would find it unethical.”

Matau would try to press further but the conversation was going silly and stale. Besides, Whenewa was now serving up the bowls and the salty stew and it brought everyone's senses back. Their tummies now warm with the thick broth.  
Even though it had been rather hot all week, the friends needed something to give the illusion of abundance and fullness during such unfamiliar times. 

Throughout that night, politics dissolved into friendly banter and jokes as they all finished smoking up the weed Onewa brought. But Matau still stubbornly and quietly refused to let down his own personal fashion statement even though they paid to willingly live in a house of ruin. And that stuck with Vakama, who didn't think much of it until he found himself a few days later, curiously hovering over a military recruiting booth. 

“...”

He was carrying one reusable cloth bag full of loose groceries in one hand and another full of overdue library books (whenua was going to be disappointed) he was finally getting around to returning. Matau had mentioned that night that they were everywhere - the recruiting booths- but Matau exaggerated everything and was drunk, thus the statement was devastatingly underestimated.  
In just a short length of time from the first attack on Ta-metru, it seemed every public place had flyers, commercials on tv, and announcements on the rafii.. The flyers apparently littered the college parking lot. It all seemed so out of place. Aside from the obvious temporary flag colored fabric in the middle of the library parking lot, nothing was really patriotic around here. Although they did love thier island country. Ga-metru was a pacifist community. Crime rates were relatively low besides drug use, jaywalking, and vandalism. The most outright aggressive thing he witnessed was a dirty old beach bum in a tie dye shirt spitting on someone's limo.  
Then it occurred to him that there was so little he knew about Ga-metru besides the “Nokama” side of things, and even that, he showed little effort in lately. Sure, it had moments of elitist prying, but nothing in this town felt like real work unless school was included. And why did it not bother him so see his own hometown, battered by ruthless forces?

Vakama peaked his head over to the man in the booth next to the military recruitment. He was a small old man selling brightly hand painted colored shells, clay and blown glass decor. He bought a two shells and a clay ashtray and found his way back home. The only home he had left.


	4. September 20th, 2005

It was a few days later when Matau barged in the front door with a foreign object. Nokama and the rest of adult world called it paperwork. 

“Vakama!”

Vakama was catching up on the dishes. At the sound of his own name, he dropped the dishes back in the hot suds,making a nice plunk as they got the water and spattering warm wet droplets on his cotton shirt. Matau never used his full name unless it was something serious. Usually ‘fire-spitter’ or ‘asshole’ was enough to convey their high emotional feelings towards one another.

He looked at Matau. Matau looked at him. They stood each other up until Matau pressed the papers into Vakamas’s chest. It only took the title at the top and the official governmental stamp to know what had happened. Dread poured down like the rain. Enough for Vakamas warm, tan complexion to go pale. 

“Matau no.” His stomache began to ache in an instant. He wanted to ask why. He wanted to know if this life wasn't good enough for his boyfriend. He wanted to know why now. But no, the proof was in the pudding. Matau was beyond boredom.

“You need to face the facts, that we are nearly broke and going nowhere with our lives! Wouldn't it be nice to have a sense of purpose for once? To feel important?” Matau punched the words in as he normally would when trying to prove a point. It was clear by the shorter man's steps forward that he was passionate about what he was saying. But then upon seeing there wasn't much resistance, Matau paused and settled for a gentle hand on Vakamas shivering shoulder instead.

“Vakama.”

Silence. Matau was standing right beside him, yet Vakama already felt his physical distance. Leave it matau to shake the shit out of life. Maybe things were not the best right now, but it had to be certainly be better than fighting in a war!

“Couldn't you have at least told us first?”

It was a stupid question. Matau was a fully consenting adult. Yet Vakama couldn't help but feel violated. Something was being stolen from him and he had no control. He began to let the guilt of neglect consume him. They spent all their time together and still Vakama apparently wasn't giving Matau enough intimacy. The worst part is, that he should of saw it coming. with the constant flood of the military propaganda and Matau’s sudden interest in it all week.  
Seams began to loosen.

Less than an hour later, the ever flirtatious Matau somehow found his way onto Vakama’s lap in the dim blue glow of the living room. Grinding their pelvis's against each others and biting ears and necks. The autumn storm painted colored walls with silence. Wind rattling the windows and would make up for lack of noise between them. Even Matau hadn't said much, occasional gasps or small moans. Vakama sat there and tolerated it. Okay, no. he just couldn't. Not right now. maybe at first he was okay with distracting stress with sex, but now…. he quietly shoved Matau off. It was painful to touch him. It was painful to let him go. He wanted to cry, but only out of frustration. He was upset that Matau wasn't upset. 

“Where are you going now?” Matau whined, eyes twinkling up at him from where he was push onto the floor like a turtle that had been flipped flipped to his back. Vakama found a pair of jeans and a brown leather jacket on his way to the door. 

“Picking up Nokama. No you can't come with.”

The door shut before Matau could protest. The storm was picking up. The cold humidity clung to oily skin.

In a routinely manner, a mentally drained Nokama walked outside of the science lab, turned on her heels and almost jumped out of her skirt when she found Vakama hunched over in her chair, scribbling jumbled words on a notepad. Shaggy hair still tousled from foreplay and some smell of rain mixed with his scent of coal and spices and Matau's shitty cologne. But this was something noticed only after she realized it was Vakama.

“...As happy I am to see you, I would appreciate if you would refrain from sneaking up on me. You can wait outside. This is my personal space.” She ordered breathlessly, although not nearly violated as Vakama had felt earlier.

He bit down on her pen glancing up at her. She still had no idea what was going on.

After rationalizing not to ask how vakama even passed the now strict school security, she asked instead for Vakama to go swimming with her. Which she hardly did, ask that is, because she had always been an avid swimmer. Vakama casually declined. A quick mistake. Vakama made it sound almost seemed as if it was silly she even asked. She was beaming at him mere moments ago.  
With the rest of the energy she had left, Nokama huffed when she gathered her things and rolled out of the passenger seat. He just wanted to be left alone. It didn't even feel right to tell her what happened. That she should find out the same way he did. His stomach was sour.  
He drove her to the gym and Then decided he didn't want to go straight home because the roads weren't that bad and sulking at Matau with Matau present was not going to be enjoyable. So he sulked in the car to some Beach Boys CD as the rain began to drizzle. Then he sulked in the grocery store. He sulked down isles of Orange juice illuminated under fluorescent light. He sulked driving up to the library parking lot, where the market booths were still clinging on to the tail of summer, despite frigid rain. And maybe he enjoyed it.

He sulked and sulked and sulked until he was face to face with the man that recruited Matau. The sane recruitment booth he visited a few days ago. The man was young, probably as young as he was, but carried chiseled features etched from the unspeakable horrors of war. His eyes were intense brown almost red, but carried permanent bags underneath them. He had probably the longest blonde hair that was allowed by code and tied it up nicely in a hat.

“Good Afternoon” The uniformed man spoke friendly, so Vakama had to refrain from patronizing the desk. Oh how badly he wanted to scoop up the perfect stacks of brochures and novelties and toss them in the air like leaves. There was no maple leaf fall in Ga-metru. Just sad wet palms and stormy beaches. Hardly a tourist destination this time of year.

“What's your name.” Vakama spat and the soldier was so startled by Vakamas quiet wrath, He spoke even softer and slower than his greeting.

“Lhikan. What's yours?” 

But the charisma in every syllable was painful. 

Although not exactly sure why, Vakama needed to know this man. He leaned forward to rest himself on the flimsy wood and cloth table between them but Vakama ended up kind of slamming them.

“hmf, Lhikan. Sounds more Ta-Metru if you ask me. I'm Vakama. You recruited someone very close to me.”

“Um, likewise. Have you heard? Ta-Metru needs a lot of support right now.”

He slid forward the same set of papers Matau had earlier except they were blank like Vakamas face staring back. It was unreal. Lhikan did this with such confidence and grace. Oh so that's what it was! It reminded him of last fall, how Matau would interact with the world both annoy and intrigue him. Except this man was a native to his city and therefore appeared more grounded in reality. Lhikan noticed the silent contemplation in Vakama’s eyes, so he took the opportunity.

“I'm going to be honest with you. The island of Metru-nui needs young people like you. This is an opportunity to make yourself A hero.”

A hero? A hero!? Vakama was passed livid. Yet he just drooped, like a soggy palm tree in the fall, awestruck of this entire fucked up week. Water turned fire into steam. Vakama wanted to die now so he didn't have to witness his perfect, simple, boring, world, falling apart in his own hands.  
Instead, he snatched up the papers so he didn't have a reason to stand there any longer.

\-------

 

When Vakama fiddled his way back to the condo only to ensure the groceries wouldn't spoil, the sun had already fallen on the horizon and left a cloudy sky with no moon or stars. Ta-metru was nestled in a volcanic area and had more factories than houses. He was accustomed to a blackened sky. That didn't mean having company from the stars had not been a pleasant experience. Gave him something to reflect on nights he would wake alone from insomnia driven nightmares. Having skipped on dinner, vakama ripped open freshly bought vanilla yogurt and spooned it out right from of its plastic carton. Suddenly he was a teenage schoolgirl getting over her first break up. Everything just felt and tasted hollow now, like air. 

It was friday, so Matau was assumed to be out drinking with Onewa and Whenewa. Nokama stayed out late to surf the week off. Rain or shine, day or night, she’d be out there trying to enjoy any waves Ga-metru offered to her and then walk home. Saturday was usually their time all together, but tonight the house was to be shunned to emptiness. Staying at the condo to cry and watch tv was always an option, but taking a risk of being caught off guard by relationships demeanor right now didn't sound at all fun. And the dreams; what a cruel joke. At first it was cute the way the two would pick his brain. Now he was sick of coming up with answers for every little thing he did or thought. He couldn't bare this nauseous feeling of becoming so out of control. It was suffocating really.   
So, he texted Nuju, hoping the kid would have some kind of drama going on to distract from his own. It only took a moment to get a response back. Good old Nuju. Probably wanted to enjoy the stars as well. It was equally comforting knowing nuju was not a huge partier. He never had to worry too much. Vakama only seen him drink once and it didn't really count because he had been pressured by Onewa. Last new years. It was extremely anti-climatic as he had fallen asleep on Vakama’s shoulder. Nuju was as close as a he would ever get to having a little brother.  
Before leaving, Vakama lightly tripped over the fat plastic marker for the white board on the fridge. Catching his balance, Vakama stared at that marker and thought about every single moment where he might have fucked everything up. "Travel" he thought. It heals wounds.  
Erasing the crude drawing of a pair of boobs that could have only been drawn by Matau over a year ago, he scribbled down the message and satisfyingly listened to the cap make a sharp click before going to grab his stayover necessities. 

~~~

Breakfast at The Jahalo cafe at 10AM. There is much we need to discus. Let's go do everything together for the first time.  
-V


	5. September 21st, 2005

The morning light came like magic. 

She wrung at her wrists and scratched at her neck. Even though this place was a regular for a ga-metru local, she was constantly looking around the room as if it was a train station. The two boys sitting across from her had never seen their girlfriend more nervous, but it also seemed she handled the news fairly well. Nokama was always one step ahead. This didn't bother them either as she remained humble. Vakama tried imaging his aloof existence without her. He couldn't. The cafe continued its hum of background conversations. 

“So what happens now?”  
Asked Nokama. She hardly touched her plate.

Although Vakama could resonate with her feelings of defeat, Vakama knew whatever he wished to say, was nothing he hadn't said before.  
Matau was stuffing his face with a burger. He had been trying to bulk up for a few days. Now it made sense why. Matau planned this. Maybe he even wanted It to be this huge thing. It was just hard to sit by him right now. But it also felt right for him to answer first. 

“Going to tug on my heart about this, huh.” he put his hand to his chest dramatically. To remind everyone he had one.

“Matau, you're the one leaving us. “

“It's not like I have a choice! Now anyways. What about that time vakama talked us up to going to that shady bar on the far side of town, and we got lost?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Because maybe he's not the only one who gets to change the course of destiny around here!”

For some reason, Matau didn't have a bad bone his body as much as the other people in the restaurant were lead to believe. Talking loudly was only to win the argument. Vakama groaned and Nokama had to chuckle. 

“The thing is, Vakama is not as rowdy as some people we know.”

“Yeah. He's too much of a cat. Our pet kitty.” Matau gently petted Vakama’s head, oblivious to the intention behind Nokamas remark.

Vakama sank into the booth. He had a headache. Finally, he spoke after swallowing, but didn't find motivation to sit up fully.  
“Are we? just going to break up then?” 

That's when he side glanced and caught the two old ladies at the table across staring, then looking down ashamed. No wonder Matau was being so playful. Vakama tried to remember if there was anytime the three had to deal with something this serious. Nokama’s sister’s wedding came to mind. Once during the second month into dating, Matau and Nokama got super sick from food poisoning. That was pretty much it. Yes, the year had been a bloated package of some of the best lighthearted experiences of their young adult lives. Now they were paying their overdue karma. He even enjoyed the time when Nokama didn't come home until way beyond late on a work night and Matau convinced Vakama to search for her on the beach, flashlights and all. The time passed in their frantic worry and then they were collapsed in exhaustion on the beach and it was nokama who had found them at 4 in the morning curled together up in the warmth of the sunrise, sand and each other's arms. It had been a 370 day slumber party. Nothing prepared them for actual war let alone the price of a cup of coffee.  
The cinnamon apple crepe started to get cold so Vakama began biting into it resentfully. Matau and Nokama had stopped eating entirely to stare at each other and hold hands for support. They waited until Vakama ate, because goddamn did he at least deserve to have a decent breakfast. After a couple minutes of letting Vakama get his fill, Matau explained their thoughts:

“We both just...we just thought you could make this all okay.”

That made vakama froze.  
This wasn't about just this week. This was about the time he drove nuju all the way to ko-koro because he couldn't get to the metru science convention in time. This was about the picnic he threw after the night Matau humiliated nokama at a party with a joke taken too far and they made up with light beer, and volleyball. It was about Vakama’s first time having sex with a man but he had to reassure Matau, who was way more experienced yet jittery with nerves than he because Matau knew he could need things up. This was about weeks spent waking up at 5am every day to find the best deals on condos.  
Lately, it had been easy to forget Matau and Nokama did love each other. So much distasteful bickering. Even so, they could still laugh and stare into each other's eyes forever. But Matau and Nokama couldn't stand just being only two. Vakama was always their as their light, despite being needy himself.

And maybe that's all they were. Just a band of needy kids looking for fun, distractions and comforts.

He gasped as he had been holding his breath at the realization, but it felt like he was holding so much more in. At first He felt like running to the bathroom. Then he thought he might burst into tears right there in front of the locals and the crotchety old ladies. He settled on stacking the single serving packets of sugar on one another instead.

“I do it. I do these things because…”

Matau intently watched him build a tiny sugar packet barricade and pictured himself hiding behind it like sandbags. Would there be sandbags in the battles? 

“...because we are all we have.”

“it's all I need.” Nokama added.

“We could be something greater.” Said Matau

“That's a scary thought you know. I'm nothing but a fuck up who occasionally will get my hands dirty. I didn't even survive a part time cashier at Sam’s. I’ve lied to our friends. I even lied to Nuju last night...” he wanted me to leave you both to figure it out on your own “ ...and you know he doesn't deserve that. I'm not worth your-”

Surely Matau meant to reassure Vakama, but it only came out as a sputtering “Don't say that!”

“ I don't know If I have even fixed anything. I mean, i don't think i made it worst but i didn't make it better, either. I just, exist.”

“Stop it!”

“Vakama we-”

“how was everything?”

Nokama was interrupted by the waitress innocently asking to take their plates and return then back to reality. They returned with a friendly and blunt “good”. There was no need to drag her into this. The woman was petite and was much more dressed up than how it used to be. Various elements in Ga metru had become a lot subtly more cleaned up ever since the war. Jobs were shuffled like a deck of cards. The economy; the delicate house of toothpicks. None of the guests even wore pajama pants when it used to be not only acceptable, but also the norm. Now it was close-toed shoes and ties. Fun.

He dragged his family out here to get away from the stuffy condo and now the cafe felt equally stuffy. He paid, walked out only to sit on the bench facing the ocean, and tried not to think of Matau and Nokama arguing in the restaurant of whose turn It was to talk to Vakama first. At least he could get a moment of fresh air. The town still had a gentle flow to it. Not a car in sight, just a biker and his dog flopping along. Then he realized, it didn't matter who would want to talk. Because nothing mattered. He didn't matter to the universe except to a couple of people and somehow that alone was overwhelming.

“Perhaps this is when we decide how serious we are about this” It was nokama’s voice coming from behind his shoulder, hitting the waves. Just like in his dream. 

“It's just like at the beginning. I can see us standing right here - in front of Jahalo’s - a year from now.”

“That's a good thing though, right?” Matau then said little quieter with a stiff laugh.; “cause you know, means I won't die in war or whatever.”

“You won't die, but I will…” Of course you won't die you idiot. You're matau. You are made from everything buoyant. You hurt yourself, only to lift yourself back up again. Fuck. I can only dream of such resilience. And then, my dreams hardly allow me to be much of anything.  
“...without you here.”  
I  
“Then come with me! Come be something.” Matau jumped up. A loud smack from his heels hitting his sandals and it scared a small child walking out of the restaurant, now clinging tighter to their father’s hand. But Nokama didn't laugh. she look pale and didn't move. They both found Vakama’s papers last night, yet to be touched by pen. It's not like he tried hiding them anyways. 

“Nokama?” 

“I'm fine, I just...”

Vakama dug his feet in the dirt. There was something awfully beautiful about the downfall. Like watching a tornado strip the land. The only escape was underground. All the words said now, felt more purposeful than anything they had said in a year. Each one echoing back again and again in their heads. I won't die in war or whatever. Or whatever. Nobody knew what was to come except maybe Vakama. Maybe. By some spark of a craftsman's imagination and terrible sleep patterns and nothing else. Maybe that's all it took to fight in battle. To be a hero.

“This isn't something we can take lightly. This isn't like my dreams, this is real life.”  
“Did you seriously just say that? Your dreams are fucking crazy!” 

“What? You…you mean that?” 

Matau squatted down so their eyes could meet. Only the best for his prince Vakama.  
“Every word firespitter. I've always thought they were bullshit. You're insane.” 

And it was the realest thing Matau ever said. This whole time. The books, the studies the interviews. Like Vakama was sick and they had to fix him. It had has always been in the back of his mind, but Vakama at least gave Matau the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't as if he took his own lucid dreams seriously. How strong did someone have to be to laugh while being deployed? 

“You're insane too” he smiled wirly.

Nokama was going stale while the wind whipped at her hair. “Can we please leave now?” Too many emotions. To much uncertainty.

Anxiety rearing its ugly head. Yet Matau was the only one not damped with it, so he took to driving them out from the crowded downtown, through the backroads and out of the city. Matau resisted temptation to speed or blare music. He wasn't dumb. He knew his exuberant energy could only be handled in small dosages, and he wanted today to last another year. Neither of them caring where they were going or wanting to stop. Somehow even up on the cliffside, the sea could always be seen in one direction like a visual magnet pulling their gazes.

“So, beach, beach, or beach?” Matau asked and stuck his tongue out.

“How ‘bout that road trip to le-metru like you promised” Vakama played along from the back seat.

“Why would a firespitter want to be in le- metru? Shits a shithole. My dad got shot in the shoulder while being mugged remember? And jungle spiders. The size of... Nokamas butt.” 

They both paused to see if she would say anything from her head against the passenger seat window. Everything good came in time. She didn't so Vakama continued.

“Yeah but good weed.”

“Only the best. Smoking right before ziplining. One of my high school extracurricular activities. “

This was it. The edge of time. They found themselves on a small secluded beach as far from Ga metru before it was no longer Ga metru. The closer Nokama was to water, the more blissful she would be. The boys sat on the sand watching her at the water's edge. Nobody came to this small patch between two walls of trees. The sand was rough here, much of it still undigested pebbles and branches. And the waves cussed a fury against black boulders. Nokama seemed unimpressed. Only, she threw a fit because she was getting attention for it. She was tired like Vakama. And maybe it wasn't like her to be so immature, but things hadn't been going great between her and her two relationships anyways. Vakama was always unavailable and Matau, the opposite. She needed balance. Polished glass tubes with just the right amount of chemicals or the mixture could fizzle.

“I can't understand how you can let her go.” sitting further up, they watched the silhouette of this beautiful smart independent woman. Her outlines contrasted against the sun.

“I'm not! Just because I want to leave on a journey for a while. Christ. I feel like Harry potter”

“Except you’re nothing but a hufflepuff”

Matau poured dirt on Vakama’s crotch and Vakama snorted and pushed his chest.  
A stunt driver. A soldier. Why Matau sought death, he don't know. Probably an adrenaline junkie.

“I was just...out of ideas….”

“you don't have to explain yourself Matau.”

Nokama paced herself back and sat by them. With her long legs rested, the three of them looked to be the same height.

“Bunch-a dead fish down there.” She swallowed and brought her knees in.

How long would it be until Ga-metru would be facing invasions. Or ko-metru? Le-metru? Vakama’s heart was shriveling up in the midday sun but he just didn't want to get in the water. Ta-metru. He had forgotten home. The sun seemed huge today. It took up a third of the sky. This is how their last time together would be. Nokama collapsed, sobbing into their laps and then he was crying because Nokama crying meant it truly was the end of the world. Matau was crying quietly because he wasn't scared but he should be and it would be the last time he would let himself cry for a long time. And they were just three tiny people in a tiny island country in a great big unknown world.


	6. November 15th, 2005

\----------------------------

I didn't know it was possible to have a sickening nightmare without violence but i pulled it off successfully. I am walking precariously into the basement of a house that's not his own before stumbles on something in the dim light that is quite large yet almost completely invisible to the dark. It makes a weird noise when my foot hit it. It's solid but wrapped in a plastic bag And i has no flashlight there is only a small nightlight so I have no choice but to squat down and squint to see what it was. At this point his dream feels so lucid, so tangible, like I really was stumbling the dark for something. Maybe i was sleepwalking. That's what i think until I touch the lump that i tripped over and confirm it's a thick plastic garbage bag. I couldn't see it but my guess is that it was black. We never have the money for fancier trash can liners, so it instantly feels foreign. Reminds me i'm not at home. But now I must know. My fingers test-squeeze the contents inside. I'm sweating and trembling but I reckon whatever is inside is thankfully not a body. I find the opening and untie the plastic drawstring somehow without sight. Pouring out is a ridiculous amount of baseballs. But of course not ordinary ones. When i go to grab one it's completely slimey like somone coated it in Vaseline. The texture was so alarmingly disgusting, I wake up in a cold damp morning.

\--------------------

As naive as it was to admit, the house became miserably quiet the week after Matau left for basic training. At the time though, it would be already miserable enough to even dwell on it. The weight of his presence still pressed upon dusty Need For Speed DVDs and motorcycle magazines. He even left his toothbrush, as if he was going to be right back.  
While Nokama stuck to her righteous schedule of 9-5 work and exercise, Vakama existed in the void of time, displaced so far from reality. The reality that their country was being invaded by political turmoil. There was no jokes when Prime minister Dume began reinforcing laws. There was no smart ass comments when the cops doubled and patrolled the streets.  
It never occurred to the young man that he could travel and see more than just his island in the ocean, until it was too late. Nobody could come or leave without good reason. Control was Dume’s strategy to keep everyone safe. Meanwhile, Vakama himself struggled to find even motivation to go and brush his teeth every morning. Nokama occasionally confronted Vakama about how far low he was sinking. And the outside world kept saying Ga-metru would be next. How reassuring.

“Have faith.” She said on repeat 

Long after the faith dried up that November, there was a knock at the door Vakama’s hot blood turned to ice when he squinted out the window. The whole world was blindingly bright compared to Weird Science paused on the TV in the closed curtain, dimly lit condo. He blinked a few times waiting for his pupils to dilate and his brain to come back from mush.  
No. How was it possible? It was...the man! The man from the requitment both back in early Autumn. How did he find his home? As creepy as it was, Vakama began to bubble up with curiosity. Now compared to the men in uniforms that patrolled the metrus, Lhikan was hardly a threat to their humble existence. Still it seemed so strange. And then he opened the door.

“...Can I help you?”

“Vakama is it?”

“And you are Lhikan?” what the literal hell hell are you still doing in ga-metru?! Don't you have a mission to do? A duty?

“You remember me!” He gave Vakama one of those charismatic smiles without mercy. Vakama was once again violated by presence alone. He took a step back, worried the soldier would hug him on his own porch.

“....Can I help you?”

 

“It's about Matau. May I come in?”

Maybe lhikan was an angel delivering good news, because to even think he was going to give bad news with that ridiculous smile was.... it was too awful to think about. The younger man shook his head and stepped aside and allowed the soldier to trespass. Lhikan started immediately bending down and plucking the laces of his polished boots until Vakama signaled him that it was okay for him to leave them on. The condo could only dream of being as cleaned up as this man, therefore it was probably good for the carpeted floors a to meet Lhikan’s soles.

“Forgive the mess. I wasn't expecting any company. Uh, would you like some coffee?”

“That's alright. I don't want to overstay my welcome. You are probably busy but you know I would not have come if It wasn't important.” 

Every word lhikan said was both thrilling and relaxing, like a cat was kneading his chest. If a Ga-metru citizen had came to visit, things wouldn't be so formal. The mannerisms alone made Vakama prang with that long lost homesickness of ta-metru. It couldn't be helped. Lhikan took refuge at the empty loveseat. Vakama remained pacing the kitchen for coffee. He didn't even want coffee nor did he need it. It gave him something to keep his mind from sky-rocketing into Anxiety WorId. Was lhikan antagonizing him on purpose? This was no angel. There was a soldier in their room. It filled him with all that “hero’s duty” crap he was fed months ago.  
They were in silence except for the non-stop sound of water trickling, flowing, crashing ashore that composed ga-metru. He wanted Lhikan to say it and leave. 

“Of course, I didn't come here to give you any grief. Between you and me, i've been trying to approach my recruiting in a different light. Not everyone who is made for this knows they are. So i’m seeking forth. You know, instead of standing around and waiting for them to come to me...” 

Great, so he was going to spread this out as long as possible. So cool and collected the gentleman would stay. He added a light airy chuckle for no reason before continuing.

“...I’m going to them. You Vakama and Nokama, are the first on my list.”

A bullet pin on a corkboard map. A lightning strike. He had been locked on target. Vakamas face flushed and his legs and arms spread. For the first time in years, he felt alert. How dare this stranger come into his home and tell him what was what! So much for remaining invisible. 

“What are you talking about? You must have me confused for someone else.”

Probably another Nokama. One that wasn't as beautiful but just as wise as the Nokama he knew. Maybe even the other way around. Never both. There was only room for one smart, brave and beautiful Nokama. Nokama was a fairly common name and had many alternate versions to boot.

“Look, when Matau signed up, he would not stop talking about you two. That's only why I know so much. I swear I did not come here to impose or to sell you anything. I'm just doing my job.” my duty.

“Matau didn't shut up about a lot of things” Vakama mumbled and gave up on the hunt for coffee and instead began wiping down freshly washed mugs with a dishrag and a stiff shoulder. He tried not to look or smell anything in the house that had matau’s impression on it and that was asking for a lot.

“With all do respect, let me just say that you might think ‘oh well, let someone else do the work.’ But our population really isn't adequate with our enemies. We are a small nation. We need everyone to be on board or we will lose everything dear to us.” lhikan swallowed at that. 

Something about this condo made everyone who dwelled, reflective and emotional. With a frown like that, it was possible to believe lhikan had more than just a city to defend. Maybe he had a family. Less so when he was warm and friendly. Maybe he had regrets. Now it was vakama who was judging him.

It was the sunny afternoon. The lock turned in the door with a dull and worn clunk. And Nokama stepped in with rustling of bags from lunch and her purse and books and papers from work.Her blue eyes had never been duller. She didn't notice the ridiculously tall and muscular man sitting stiffly in her living room until she was halfway down the hallway.

“Oh..” She said softly and sniffed.  
“Vakama - Oh. Can you, at least tell me when we are having company?” but it came out weary and hollow rather than irritated and sharp. Vakama immediately set down the dishes and wrapped her in his warmth of his sweater sleeves.  
Lhikan was doing his best to remain upright. These were no simple folk.

“This is lhikan. The soldier who recruited-” Nokama nodded her head vigorously. She knew. As tender as she was recently, she was always one step ahead. Always.

“How you three get along is um, something I don't understand personally, nor do i plan to interfer. But what I do understand that Matau was important to you both. I have chosen to find and select six people for six special positions for those best suited for the job. Matau was one, very talented I might add. You two would be another and another. Being together is what matters most and we value that.”

Carefully worded but still the useless input now expected from him. Vakama did his best to clear his throat before speaking. Just to make this as painless as possible.

“As much as we appreciate the special opportunity Lhikan, Nokama and I need our time and space. To think it over.” Now please just leave! You have no idea how much of a loser you are making me in front of my girlfriend. There is a bag of weed right underneath that cushion you are sitting on. It costed almost as much as my textbooks!

“Of course. Here's the paperwork. You know where to find me. Now I must be getting back. But remember, one day Dume might not have any choice but to force recruit. Know who your real enemies are. Uh, have a good evening.”

Casually as ever, Lhikan showed himself out as Vakama tended to his girlfriend.

Thank god.

This was the third and last time he would see Lhikan.

Nokama cried a minute more in his arms. It was heart shattering to feel her sobs, but in no time at all, she found the strength to smile and suck in a deep breath. Routine. Organized routine. Watch a movie, eat take out, have sex, and go to bed. But all this was without Matau? The one who would cut in, go out, change it up, empower, and inspire. Nokama still clung to an amazing reputation, but she was no crusader and that alone caused definite heartache.

“I don't know. So much is flooding my mind right now.” She mumbled and wiped away any sign of her meltdown off with her blue sweater sleeve.

“You don't have to say anything.” He rubbed her back and embraced her with all his warmth he had left. I'm not strong enough without him either.

“I know, I just wish you would stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I know everything! I'm sorry Vakama. Vakama are you listening? I don't ever want you to feel like you are a prisoner here. This is your home too.”

“I don't think-” Then he realized they had almost the same argument yesterday. It went no where. He sighed. Nokama was just grasping onto familiarity. Even familiar fights. It was something that just happens. It's gradual like a spool of thread. She used to be the simple one. She was smart and kind and always looked good, but love was a wild rodeo of uncertainty. And Vakama? When was he ever comfortable anywhere? Even in his own house. 

“But if Matau isn't dead, why do we both feel like shit.” She inquired. 

“I don't even know how to respond to that, so how about I make dinner and we smoke a bowl instead.”

“No enough. We can't keep just pretending like we're ever going to feel better about this.”

When she pushed away from the warm embrace, he shrugged and fiddled with his fingers like a nervous overgrown child. It was okay for her to run smooth fingers through his fluffy hair, but only once. 

“I want it to. I just feel like, I have you, so why do I feel like my life is on freeze frame until we get him back?”

“Vakama, I don't think really you know what you want.”

Then she smirked without making eye contact because she knew that was as best as he was at showing verbal affection. Both of them were unsure if it was meant to be a true question. This was dramatically depressing. Even Vakama could sense the angst swelling between them. In their triad, receiving enough love was never an issue. Sometimes Vakama even felt smothered with questions about his wellbeing. It was the weight of Matau that had been surprisingly crushing with all his outgoing doings and emotional phases that dropped like leaves in the fall. Vakama couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to matter so much. To leave in imprint in the world. Then there was joining a war and that was a separate issue entirely. Or so it seemed.

“A paint-your-own.” Vakama mumbled leaning into the kitchen counter. He had found and placed a glass blown pipe, and a bag of kettle corn and a small sandwich bag of weed on the space between between them. He began packing the pipe with bits of the green stuff. The kitchen is never a comfortable place to have a conversation, but that always ended up being the case for some amazing ones regardless of choice. ‘The heart of the household’ is what Onua once said when the six of them were hammered to the kitchen floor with booze and Whenua’s (always homemade) pastries. 

Nokama gave him an odd glance and smoothed out her sweater so he explained further.  
“I would of spent my savings on a lease for the townhouse that flea market used to be in. Sculpt a shitload of clay dolphins, heart shaped containers, spoons and jars all day. Let kids and parents and hipsters purchase and paint them. “

“oh I can see your beaded curtains and incense holders now.” 

“Nokama you can't leave, I will have nothing left” He didn't light it, just twirled the pipe in his hands and judged it intently. Nokamas eyes suggested anguish of his correct assumptions. She sat at the wooden bar stool and rested her head in her hands. Nokama cared deeply for Vakama, maybe even more than for Matau. She had a renown soft spot for bad boys, but lesser known soft spot for those shy, insecure ones. 

“I thought this was about redemption. I enjoy teaching. I feel like it's enough. However, sometimes life gives us opportunities to be something great.”

He rolled his eyes. “Now you even sound like him.”

“is that so bad?” 

“he's an idiot.”

“he's smart in his own way. Just like you.”

Nokama was being too understanding. It came with time. Vakama could put money on the sure fire fact that she would have never said what she just just said if only a few months ago. What changed?


	7. September 15th 2006

“This food tastes like your asshole!” 

“Good.”

There wasn't a moment of hesitation. The burnt toast hit Vakama’s forehead and it fell to the tiled floor with a crispy thud. Crumbs clung to what was left of his greasy hair. Actually, it was times like these Vakama was rather appreciative of his shorter hair. It was way more manageable and lighter.  
Vakama tried to stare at the toast instead of his repulsed and grumpy boyfriend in the hospital bed. The dried pieces broke apart like tectonic plates. The room got silent for a numberless amount of time as the two men eavesdropped on the whimpering patient behind another curtain.

Two years ago, Vakama believed Ta-Metru was the opposite of Ga-metru. Now it seemed hospitals were the opposite from anyplace, ever. Cold lighting, cold tile, and not a plant or tree in sight. Everywhere, people wore clothes that covered their body and even their face sometimes. This hospital was in Ga-metru, yet nothing about this room remotely reminded him of the town he grew to love.

“Can I have some more eggs instead?”

“Yeah, I’ll go get you some, dear”

The two men watched Nokama briskly get up from the stiff chair to go investigate the cafeteria. Her movements were rather strong and stoic. She was still wearing her uniform.

“Matau, I need to talk.”

“And what if I say leave me alone?”

“Just listen anyways”

Vakama took Nokama’s seat in the more comfortable uncomfortable hospital chair and fiddled with his neatly groomed fingernails. A habit he quit during basic training. A habit like an old stain. A reminder. Either way the effect was therapeutic. He didn't want to think about how hard war had been. He didn't want to think about the war at all. This situation has nothing to do with him and it never did. Yet he and nokama had followed matau into the front lines with little regard to the consequences. But for now, the focus was all on his dear boyfriend who was losing patience each passing day. 

“When you left, I couldn't-couldn't stand strong alongside nokama. I tried working as janitor and even as a cook, just to keep up with the house and the bills. Nokama quit her job. She was, well, not happy. I guess what i’m saying is, we don't know how to be strong without you.” 

Matau didn't respond right away. Instead he picked at the white rough bandages encasing his left arm. Vakama felt the burning temptation to scratch at his own arm by some empathetic response. He refrained to do so but shuddered visibly anyways. 

“I understand. I really do. Its cool man. the last year has been alot for me too. I mean just look at me. I look like those raisins in the back of the pantry because Nokama kept buying them even though she knew neither of us was going to eat them”

Vakama looked because he was certain it was sarcasm. But being burned wasn't too far from the truth. As in, Matau was physically burned, all over. Most of the severe burns were wrapped in bandages. Once upon a time, Vakama enjoyed metaphors, but now it was hit far too close to home for his liking. Every good seems far away until you see it close up and realize how much of a complicated mess it really can be. 

 

“I'm just, tired of running from myself. I. Thought I would stop when I went to college. I thought I would stop when I started dating you and Nokama. I thought it would stop when I joined the military.”

Maybe it would be different this time though. Matau was not the same Matau from last year. His hazel eyes grew reddish hot and dull. Not to mention permanent bags under his eyes. In just a short period of time in the Military, he had seen many things, and he had done many things. All from what could be argued as long, overdue karma.

And for a moment, It looked as though Matau was going to spray out the most brilliant and wise validation to his lover (And now brother in arms). 

Then, there was a knock at the door.


	8. November 15th, 2006

“All set?” 

Through rear view mirror, Nokama watched Matau scowl in the backseat. Only out of that cold hospital room did his skin look ever so horrifying. The burns had disfigured his young face. He could no longer grow facial hair on one side of his chin because of such a large scar that traveled down his neck and across one half of his torso. Nobody would really know about that. A man who once insisted going without a shirt everywhere he could get away with it, now had resorted to wearing a fashionable long sleeve knit, and an obnoxiously large scarf to cover most of his skin below his nose. It was fall, but would hardly be frosty out for some time. 

Along the drive, they would pick up Whenua and Onua. Nuju had left for work in his home city of Ko-metru. Barely enough room in Nokama's tiny care, the friends over the years had grown fond of silence between them, except for Matau, of course, who took part in it begrudgingly. In fact there was no real reason he was sitting in the back seat other than to sulk.

They entered downtown on that moonlit night and it was rather empty. Tourist season had ended and the real festivities could begin. Especially since most could feel the war coming to an end. They at least managed to drive their enemy off the Island and that was worth celebrating in itself. All the locals were gathered on a large beach beside downtown. Nokama parked a few blocks away and they all walked to the beach as one unit. A stage was set up along with booths and benches and food trucks. A live band was playing and watching in the front row, was a familiar lean dark toned man.

Lihkan.  
Lihkan had visited matau in the hospital to deliver more interpersonal news as always.  
That Matau had been discharged (of course) and that Vakama and Nokama still had one more year before they could leave this all behind them. Lihkan was back in Ga-metru just as they and it seemed for the same reasons. Just sitting there, enjoying the music with his legs stretched out. But this would not do.

“Hey!”

Matau broke from his stare of pure anger rising up in him when Nokama glomped onto Vakama.Vakama was shirtless and covered with a bit of ash. He had a stupid grin on his face and his eyes were like embers. It was the happiest either had seen him in who know how long. 

“What’s with you fire-spitter”

“I can't be happy to see my own family?”

“Not when you got that in your hand”

All the lovely commotion aside, Vakama was holding a dark double ended torch with two flames spewing from both ends. Matau recalled watching him carve and weld it during his off-duty on base, and commotion it caused to get it through airport security.

“Stop worrying so much, I'm a professional now”

“Like hell you are”

Vakama leaned over slightly to kiss Matau on the forehead and then Nokama. He felt Matau flinch, being so close to the heat of the flames. He made small talk with Whenua and Onua and then skipped off to get ready for his performance. 

“Admit it Matau, he looks good”

“Yeah. I guess you could say he is...hot”

But no crankiness came over that pun, Nokama was already quickly envloped in the lighthearted and fun atmosphere. A couple of kids flying kites, shoved past Whenua’s legs. She giggled. They bought roasted corn on a stick and took their seats. Right behind Lhikan’s stupid  
Head. He looked older every time they saw him. Aged by war and stress probably. He bit into his juicy buttered corn angrily. Nobody noticed. 

The stage was finished being set up and the stage lights dimmed. Nobody clapped when Vakama walked on stage. As if anticipating something great. He gained a lot of muscle and combat had given him a few scars and scrapes of his own. His skin glistened, covered by some oil to protect him from fire. And he held the staff stiffly in front of him. The drummer began beating out a tempo on a wooden drum and he twirled the stick around him effortlessly. 

This had been Matau’s idea for his boyfriend to take up this hobby and he hated it. He hated fire. The stick rolled across Vakama’s shoulders from one hand to the other. He loved fire. Vakama threw the stick up and caught it despite spinning wildly in the air. He hated fire. Vakama put the stick in his mouth and lit two smaller sticks with the one he had. He loved fire. Vakama juggled all three of the sticks at once.

Nokama gasped at the finale. She and Matau were unmistakably holding their breath the entire time. Vakama bowed and exited the small stage after the clapping died down. 

 

“Not bad huh?”  
Lhikan had turned around in the booth to face Nokama and Matau. 

“Lihkan, what a surprise.” Nokama said coldly. 

Matau gave her a look. She was in on it too. She resented Lihkan just like he did. There was no ask of how Matau was feeling or any regard for Whenua and Onua. He kinda resented him now. But instead of swearing him out, Matau put an arm around Nokama and they nuzzled into one another; half listening to this poor, lonely fellow talk about the news. 

That's when Vakama walked up. Washed and clothed. And nothing was never quite the same after what was about to unfold.

“Hey Lhikan.”

“Hello Vakama. Loved the performance.”

At first, it looked like Vakama was going to punch Lhikan, or wanted to anyways.  
Instead he sat nice and close to his companions.

“What are you doing here again?”

“Oh you know, I was just in the area and I wanted to-”

“Lhikan. We can handle ourselves We've been through alot together in just a few short years. You don't have to check up on us.”

“...”

“C’mon let's go guys. The band is taking me out for drinks and they invited you all to come.”

But no one moved. They all looked at Vakama bewildered, like they were trying to figure out if they were dreaming or not. 

“Yeah i’m with you” Matau soon got up to break the ice (something he was oddly quite good at) and that got Nokama to get her butt up and soon the other two boys tagged along. Leaving the older man alone on a bench.

\-----

“What is with that guy?”

“Him? What's with you?”

“What do you mean what is with me? What is with you? I mean first you are sad for existing, you dance with fire and suddenly your mr macho?”

“Hey! You're lucky to even be alive!”

“Yeah, and you are lucky to not be dead”

“Boys please. Listen to me.”

Nokama pushed in between them with a handful of small clear drinks. She looked cute when she was only slightly annoyed. 

“Oh come on, we weren't even fighting”

“Yeah….I think things... are good, Actually.”

“I agree. But I want to sit in between my boyfriends and not get a black eye.”

She smiled and sat on Matau’s lap instead of sitting next to her. Matau who looked a little dwarfed by the weight of her muscular body and took it like a champ anyways. Always. They were soldiers. Loyal to their of Island Metru-nui. His face was pink now.

“Hey hey hey! I don't think Lhikan is a bad guy. I just, don't think we really need him in our lives anymore. In a good way.”

“I'm with you there.”

Vakama agreed, and put a hand reflexively on Matau’s shoulder. He felt like crying for what it's worth. The horrors and heartbreak that had been shown. The lack of understanding for the future. They were small, and their country was a even smaller dot compared to what large worlds lay beyond their own. But none of that concerned them unless of course it did. He didn't cry. Destiny brought them together and united they would stay. 

 

That night, Vakama slept a warm, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -I may go back and fix some stuff up. Tweak sentences and spelling errors. But other than that I am DONE.
> 
> -The ending took forever because in really wanted to be careful how I played this out. I hope Matau getting burned by the fire and Vakama's fire dance at the end came as obvious metaphors for their character growth. Well I did try to make things subtle. I don't know. I enjoyed this and will try to touch up this style of writing more in the future. Maybe less... broken up into pieces haha. Let me know what you think in the comments below! Feel free to ask questions. 
> 
> -It wasn't supposed to be an exact linear narrative of the canon story. I jumped the tracks a little in order for it to be refreshing. Lihkan ended up being a MAJOR DOUCHE KINDA and I apologize. I love Lihkan! But I think the characters in this crazy AU just have over inflated egos. They'll learn. 
> 
> -The dates are relevant! The first most obvious reason is because Metru-nui was a thing during this time frame with the movies and toys. I also thought it would be relatable to many readers. Metru-nui had just came out on DVD when my dad was deployed to Afghanistan. Now please understand I don't specify the war they are in exactly because it isn't relevant to the context of the story other than there is a war and it is bigger than they are. Similar to being a kid, where you don't understand much outside your own home. Its supposed to be more about all those existential thoughts of feeling small and powerless. Also the majority of the original Bionicle fans are in their early 20's now and are in college or even the military themselves.
> 
> ~Happy New Years~


End file.
